i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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