oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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