Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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