i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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