I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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