yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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