ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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