My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
