Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
