Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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