are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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