omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Buhtt sex?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
