I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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