I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
