I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You are a genius and a whore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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