I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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