it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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