Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
