Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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