I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
