I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
