he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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