I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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