I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
