Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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