I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
