I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
