it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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