I need help removing her.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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