Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
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The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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