So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
