why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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