Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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