Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
