already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
