things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
