I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
