You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
