Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
