The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think my nap took me to another dimension
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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