oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
