found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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