She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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