Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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