Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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