The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You're like the curious george of whores
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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