She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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