She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
