i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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