I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
