you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
