Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
