he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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