Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So squirting runs in the family.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
