I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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