I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
