that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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