i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
