dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
