i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
