Your tits are I can't wait for
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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