Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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