Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
