the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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