Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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